Photo by SisterLisa @ Pixosphere
I pulled the first towel from the basket of clean laundry. Double in half…double over again…triple fold. Rote repetition, but this day I was somehow more focused. Present in the moment.
I extract another lavender-scented towel from the mound. Double…double again…triple fold.
Wait…
What’s that I feel….?
Something’s changed within me. Could it be?
Joy!
Undeniable, uncontrollable…JOY!
Allow me to turn back the time with you to nearly a year ago…
My husband had just returned from his second deployment to Iraq. During the year he’d been overseas, the children and I moved to Tennessee. Life was stressful because of the deployment, but with every passing month, I felt more as though we were carving out our home in a new place.
I became involved at church. For the first time in a very long time, I finally felt like I belonged; my life had purpose and meaning.
And then it was all ripped away.
When my husband returned home, he went back to work and moved the children and me back to Louisiana.
I was miserable. Sad. Angry. Resentful.
How could God pluck me from the place where I’d grown so much in a year’s time, only to replant me back in the place where I did not want to be? How dare He?!
And then there was the one question that haunted my every waking moment: If God really loves me, how could He do this to me?
Mourning filled the days. I cried myself asleep many nights, begging God to return me to that place of safety and love.
But it didn’t happen.
Grief replaced joy. And I truly didn’t believe I’d experience joy again.
I was wrong. God’s ways are so much higher than our own.
Photo by Meghan Tucker @ Pixosphere
In January, I joined a challenge to read the Bible through in 90 days. God pulled out His brillo pad and started scrubbing away the grime and crud caked on my heart.
Then last week, I started reading Ann Voskamp’s One Thousand Gifts. With each chapter read, my vision becomes clearer. Oh, what miraculous changes are happening in me!!
Each day, my list of God Gifts grows. I’m starting to finally see the little gifts I’m blessed with every single day.
I’m learning to live in the moment.
I’m no longer wishing away every day, longing to be in some other space.
Eucharisteo.
I’m learning to live in grace. I’m learning to be thankful—in everything. I’m re-birthing joy!
Funny, how God brings awareness in the simplest of things. Like finding joy in the laundry.
I am also finding joy- it started before the book- but know I know why!
Samantha @TheKelleyEight last talked about..B90Days Week 8
So happy to hear that, Samantha!! :)
This makes me SO happy!
Me, too, girlie….ME, TOO! ;) When I shared this with Rob last night, I thought he was going to cry. He said, “It makes me so happy to hear you say this.” ;) God is so good!!
Beautiful!
I am so thankful that joy is taking over your heart… And true joy from Him. :)
And, of course I am thankful you jumped into the Bible in 90 Days!
Thanks for this post.
Thanks, Amy! Me “finding” your B90Days challenge was divinely ordained by God. So thankful!
I know we had a giggling fit over this last night at church but I was laughing because it made me so happy to see you so happy. And just as a reminder of what we talked about this morning so you can write it down:
Isaiah 40:2 NLT
Speak tenderly to Jerusalem. Tell her that her sad days are gone…
LOL!!! God is SO GOOD!!! Blessed be the name of the Lord! :)
Oh Hope, this is lovely. Goes with your name. :-)
Thank you, Patti!
Oh my heart broke when I read how much you cried after leaving your church. ((hugs)) We left a church too and it was very difficult to say goodbye to so many people I grew with for over a decade. I have found Ann’s book to be so therapeutic for me. Reading how she explains the sovereignty of God, the trials, the heartbreaks, her stories soothed my soul. Everything we go through is to make us stronger. To refine us.It may “hurt” a little to go through the “fire”, but it’s always for our good. Even when it doesn’t feel like it at the moment. Growing pains never do feel good. But just like how we feel after giving birth…the after pains..but the joy is wrapped in our arms and the warmth of that snuggly baby lasts a lifetime!
p.s. Thank you for using my photo. :)
I love your birth/baby analogy! And that’s exactly what happens. It’s so difficult to see the good in the “ugly” when we aren’t looking through the right lens. ;)
What a lovely post. So real. So much truth. I hate change too, but God is ever-changing and ever the same, at the same time. It’s something that’s been a struggle for me, but learning to go with His flow has brought nothing but blessings!
Love the brillo pad image! lol!
Thank you, Jamie! :)
Thank you for reading and commenting on my Multitudes On Mondays post this week. Always a joy to connect with others on this journey. Having struggled with severe depression for nearly two decades of life, your story pulls at my heart. How thankful I am that He has restored you to a place of Hope and Joy. He has been doing incredible work in my life as well the past few years, but especially the past 6 months. And Ann Voskamp’s book is taking my journey to a whole other level. Rejoicing with you for God’s life-saving Grace in all our lives, in all our moments.
Thanks for your kind response, Courtney. I’m thrilled to hear that God is refining you, too! And I agree; Ann’s book is taking this to the next level for me, too. :)