Hope

Note: This post was originally written October 28, 2004. It has been edited and revised.

“There are no hopeless situations; there are only people who have grown hopeless about them.”
~Clare Boothe Luce

People have always used my name in “clever” ways: “I hope you have a good day!” “I hope I see you again soon.” That always bothered me, until I realized that my name holds significant purpose and meaning for my life.

I once experienced vast feelings of hopelessness. I couldn’t recognize my own hopelessness and actually put that label on my feelings, but I knew felt as if all hope was gone. So I looked up the term “hopelessness.” Here’s what I found:

hopelessness: The despair you feel when you have abandoned hope of comfort or success

That’s it!

Suddenly, I realized that I had become a person full of negative energy. I thought I was hiding it well (from myself and others), but I wasn’t. Every ounce of negativity I allowed to enter into my being oozed from me onto others.

Those emotions and feelings we deeply experience affect ourselves and others around us. It is a domino effect.

I harbored the pain, hurt and anger from years of my childhood. Instead of allowing myself to feel and live through these feelings, I buried them. I didn’t want to let go of them. In an odd way, they comforted me, because they were familiar.

As I continued to hold on to this negativity within myself, something else happened. I forsook everything that would bring joy to my life. I denied myself every ounce of happiness. I literally would not—could not—allow myself an ounce of anything good.

What happens when you sit in a tub too long? You start looking like a wrinkled prune! Well, that was me. I sat in my tub of pain and anger, until I was wrinkled (spiritually, mentally) from head to toe. I couldn’t even recognize myself anymore.

The ironic thing is that I knew that I was doing this to myself, but I didn’t care.

I had lost all hope.

I stopped allowing myself to be free through my writing. I believed a lie from satan, who told me I didn’t deserve a joyful life. My own faults and failures mocked me within my own mind, ‘Who are you to try to write something to encourage others?!’

I abandoned my writing ministry, and told myself I was too unworthy and had too many flaws to be used by God. And if I was too flawed to be used by God, perhaps I was also too messed up to be loved by God.

“…perhaps I was also too messed up to be loved by God.”

Hopelessness totally consumed me.

Extreme hopelessness engulfed my mind. I truly believed life wasn’t even worth living anymore. What good was I alive on this earth, when (I believed) nothing good would ever happen in my life again? What good would come of living an “unsuccessful” life?

Only you can let go of hope. Nobody can remove hope from your life. The good news is that you can find hope again. The first steps are in self-discovery, realizing where/how you stepped off the well-beaten path, and the willingness to admit your mistake(s).

Hope is rediscovered when you realize that your only hope is in Jesus Christ. Feelings of despair creep in when you attempt to plan out and live your life of your own accord. Ephesians 2:20 says, “Together, we are his house, built on the foundation of the apostles and the prophets. And the cornerstone is Christ Jesus himself.” (NLT)

{A call to hope}

“The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives.”

~Psalm 37:23 (NLT)

If you feel hopeless, could it be because you are attempting to shape your life (career, family, relationships) into the mold you want it to fit? Have you sought the face of God for direction? Are you listening for His voice? Or are you doing what you want to do?

Take an honest look at yourself. Ask God what areas He would like to change. Inquire of His direction in your life. Ask Him to set your feet on the path He wants you walking, not the one you want. Then, and only then, can you begin to feel hope again.