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Months had passed and I was more depressed than ever before. Sad. Unhappy. Miserable.

Angry.

Anger bubbled beneath the surface of my being. I was angry at God.

How dare He pull me from a place where I’d felt loved…content…purposeful…and re-plant me where I felt useless and so very unhappy? How could He?!

I resented God. I resented that He would choose to remove happiness from my life and replace it with such an intense feeling of loss and emptiness.

I couldn’t understand His purpose.

“Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully.”
1 Peter 5:7 {Amp}

Have you ever felt like that? Like God’s ways were crazy, off-the-wall insane? Have you ever doubted all the things you thought you held to be true?

It’s difficult to understand how some things happen that just don’t make sense. It’s hard to trust God, when you feel abandoned and confused.

I wrestled with anger for months. Almost a year. I kept God at arm’s length. Stopped talking to Him. I was going through the motions, but totally ignoring God.

I was running on empty.

I tried to make sense of this nothingness I felt my life had become. But none of it made any sense. And more than that, I was tired of living with anger and resentment. I didn’t want to cry myself to sleep another night. I needed peace. I needed to accept that His ways are higher than mine, even when I don’t understand or like them.

What I could not see was that God had moved me to that place of happiness for a season. I wasn’t meant to be there forever. It was a season of learning, growth, and development {spiritually}.

When I finally realized that, I also understood that my anger and resentment was also another season of learning and growing. God was teaching me to trust Him. I had to look beyond my hurt, anger, and confusion, to see His purpose.

I had become so accustomed to planning out every detail of my life, that I stopped seeking His will and purpose for my life. God wanted to teach me that my life is not my own, but His. He was calling me to a deeper place in Him; a place where I stop trying to figure out my life on my own, and trust Him {fully} with my life.

I’m still learning every day to trust Him. There are moments when I have to pause and say, “Okay, God…I don’t understand this, and I’m not happy about it, but I believe You know what’s best for me.”

An important lesson I learned from all of this is that when I start feeling a little low on fuel, it’s time to head to the Master’s table. It isn’t healthy to wait until I’m running on fumes to decide to trust God. I need to be filled daily with His word. I need to communicate with Him often throughout the day. I need to trust Him.

If you feel like you’re almost on empty, it’s time to pull up to the filling station and re-fuel.