fear

Fear…and overcoming the awful dread

Penned on February 4, 2013

Words teeter on the edge of my fingertips. My heart bursts with so many things I’d like to say, but when it comes right down to letting those words out, I can’t. I wonder…what is wrong with me? Why can’t I just write what is there, waiting to be released? Why do I continue to allow fear to taunt me?

Broken Window

Fear is an awful dread.

A little girl, who must have been about eight or nine years old, hung for dear life to the back of an old couch. The couch, shoved against and facing a wall, became life support. Brown-haired child hung on to that couch for dear life, as her mother beat her mercilessly and hurled hateful, hurtful words.

She cried, that little girl. Begged for mercy. But the beating was endless, as were the dagger-words.

Tears streaked her face. Knees trembled, threatening to give way to the beating. If not for that old couch, the child surely would have been in a heap on the floor by now. The beating hurt. Oh, it hurt awful.

Her heart hurt more than the lashes. In her little mind, she couldn’t understand what she’d done that was so awful, so terrible, to deserve the beating and berating.

Why can’t I make her happy? The little girl questioned herself about the mother who couldn’t stop. Why did I have to be born into this world, if I make her world such a terrible place with me in it?

That beautiful blue-eyed babe, whose life so young and full of life, dreaded living already at that early age. Those eyes had seen pain, that body had known pain, that mind had known more fear than any child should know.

And. It. Hurt.

The hitting hurt. The words hurt. But more than anything, she just wished she could be good enough for her mother to love her back. To be pleasing enough to put a smile on her mother’s face. To do enough to just not make her mad anymore.

Sweet girl couldn’t see. She was too young. Too innocent. Too loving.

Sometimes the only thing one’s life has to offer is hurt and pain and mistakes and failure. But that failure does not have to link from one generation to the next.

So that little girl made up her mind one day (finally) to forgive. Release the hurt and move forward. To be the link in the chain that would break free from the hurt and pain and anger and unhealthiness.

Because being free is better than living in fear.

If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed. ~John 8:36

Filed Under: Heart Matters, Life, Spirit, Walking by faith

Between The Rock and a hard place

Penned on March 16, 2012

I’ve been consumed lately by things that disturb me. I’ve been shaken–awakened–on many levels. I’ve been feeling out of sorts and wondering what in the world is going on.

I’m desperate for change. Longing for God to step in and open a door for my family that would change things for the better.

Then I had the thought this afternoon….I feel like I’m between a rock and a hard place.

two huge rocks © by burge5k

I’m between The Rock and a hard place.

God is the Rock of my salvation. Even though I don’t like this hard place I’m in right now, I know without a doubt I am standing on Christ, the solid Rock.

He is my strength. He is my hope. He is my salvation.

No matter what storm I must face or how rocky the road may be, I know as long as I stay on the straight and narrow, He will light the path before me.

Are you in a hard place right now?

Do you feel your faith is shaken by something that has happened? Are you struggling with believing God’s eyes are upon you? Have you allowed fear to grip your heart and consume your mind?

If you are in a hard place, plant your feet firmly on The Rock.

Because when you’re stuck between The Rock and a hard place, no matter how tight that squeeze becomes, He will never let you down. He is a sure and steady Rock.

Filed Under: Spirit, Walking by faith
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Motivated by love

Penned on February 6, 2012

I read a quote this morning that I totally agree with. I only wish I knew who said this, because they deserve proper credit.

“The more you are motivated by love, the more fearless and free your actions will be.” ~Unknown

photo credit: denise carbonell

How many times have you taken action based on your fears? Only to discover our fear-based action landed us in a place not-so-good for you?

I’ve done that many times.

For a large portion of my life, fear was the driving force behind many (if not all) of my decisions and actions.

How to know if fear is driving you

There is one sure way I’ve learned to determine if fear is controlling me. Two little words fill my thoughts and speech: What if?

What if I fail?
What if something goes wrong?
What if I’m not good enough?

Fear does that. It makes us feel like we are vulnerable to everything and everyone. Fear tells us we are incapable of doing great things. That we are but mere specs on God’s radar. That we aren’t enough.

Don’t listen to fear. Fear is a liar.

And how can we be sure this is so? Because 2 Timothy 1:7 tells us that, “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” (NKJV).

be consumed by love

The opposite of fear is faith. And we cannot exercise our faith to believe and act upon the knowledge that God is in control if we are afraid. So how then can we choose to be motivated by love instead of fear?

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. {1 John 4:18, KJV}

When we are overtaken by God’s love, we cannot fear. Because God’s love is perfect, and when we come to a point of spiritual maturity, we understand that when we are filled with His perfect love, fear has to go.

Fear cannot stay where perfect love abides.

I understand the torment of being controlled by fear. I understand how utterly frustrating it is to want to move, but to freeze, unable to move because of fear.

The only freedom from fear is perfect love.

A prayer for perfect love to abide

Jesus, you see each heart here today. You know every need. You know the fear that controls so many hearts.

I pray for Your perfect love to abide in our hearts. Let us be ruled by Your love and not by fear.

In Your perfect love,

we are enough.
we are more than conquerors.
we are chosen.
we are blessed and highly favored.
we are free.

Free us, Jesus. Help us to live in the light of Your love every day.

In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Filed Under: Life, Spirit
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Made for so much more

Penned on January 24, 2012

I turn on the radio. Mandisa‘s voice floats through the air waves, reminding me to stop waiting for tomorrow. Her lyrics remind me once again that the grace He’s given me cannot be wasted.

photo credit: Morrow Cove

I can’t control what others do.

I can’t control what others say.

Sometimes life is ugly.

But there is beauty in the mess.

Fear will not control me.

Grace saves me.

I am free.

So I won’t wait for tomorrow to claim my victory. I won’t procrastinate grasping and clinging to His marvelous grace.

Because I was made for so much more than this.

I’m walking by faith.

Today.

Filed Under: Spirit, Walking by faith
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The truth {hurts}

Penned on January 21, 2012

When I started this blog last year, I had a totally different plan in mind. I envisioned building a community here where hurting and wounded ladies could come and find encouragement. A healing place. I didn’t realize what I was doing was trying to pretty-up my own wounds, under the guise of helping you.

photo credit: jdsmith1021

I didn’t intentionally pretend to have all the answers, but I think at some point I subconsciously attempted to avoid my own hurts by writing superficial posts that covered up the ugly I sometimes feel and deal with. And that isn’t fair to you.

I was afraid to get real.

The truth hurts sometimes. When I feel threatened or inadequate, I close down. Stop talking. Forfeit sharing.

And that just isn’t right.

How can I encourage and support you, if I’m not being honest with myself or you?

I can’t. I don’t want to. I want to be real.

But when God steps in…

I had a heart-to-heart with God. I told Him that I couldn’t do this anymore. In fact, I came very close to shutting the whole thing down and eliminating this blog.

I don’t like half-truths. I don’t like covering up for others. I don’t like pretending.

The devil would love nothing more than to shut me up. Why? Because he knows I have a testimony and he doesn’t want a word of it shared with anyone.

For a while, I did allow satan to cover my mouth. I was afraid, consumed by a lot of “What if…” questions that tormented me. Until I shook myself and reminded myself that I am a child of God. There is no weapon formed against me that can prosper (Isaiah 54:17). He is my light and my salvation (Psalm 27:1) and with Him, who can I fear?

I had to inquire once again, Lord, what would You have me do?

He pointed to the name of this blog: Mending Hope.

It is about mending the hope of those who feel lost, insecure, scared, hopeless. But it’s also about mending me. Finding hope and peace in my own life in the midst of questions and misunderstandings and doubts.

My promise to you

Beginning right now, things change. I refuse to be silenced. I will not allow fear to rule my heart or my mind. Because God is peace and love and all things good.

Monday begins a new chapter here at Mending Hope. I will be real. I will be honest. I will be open.

There will be days when I share something funny. But there will also be times when I bare my heart and soul, in expectation that my experiences will bring healing and peace (to myself and you).

Most importantly of all, God be glorified. In everything I say and do.

Filed Under: Life, Walking by faith
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When grace speaks

Penned on September 21, 2011

As I inch closer to the release date of my book, fear has once again reared its ugly head. My mind has become a battlefield, where I fight against whispers of the enemy that tell me…

you’re making a fool of yourself.
people are going to talk about you.
your words will be twisted and used against you.
you’re not worthy.
you’re exposing too much of yourself.

Source: itslegitx http://www.flickr.com/photos/itslegitx/

And lately those ugly whispers are so loud I’ve barely been able to hear God.

This morning I sat down and went back to the beginning of this journey, where I promised to share from personal experiences. And I am reminded of something Paul shared in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10:

Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

My grace is all you need.

It’s so easy to forget that God’s grace {the free and unmerited favor of God} reaches us, even when we’re at our lowest. We can’t be good enough or do enough or be enough.

He works best in our weakness.

That thought just blows my mind. I can barely wrap my brain around it. When I’m at my worst, God’s power is ever-present and working in full. That’s just amazing.

When grace speaks, God wins.

Filed Under: Spirit
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When the fear monster rears its ugly head

Penned on July 25, 2011

Have you ever been totally confident in what you’re saying or doing, then suddenly fear strikes you paralyzed? That’s where I am right now.

Paralyzed. Doubtful. Unsure.

The fear monster is awake. Breathing down my neck.

Photo credit

There is only one way to approach this situation.

I’m putting on the whole armor of God.

“Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” {Ephesians 6:13-17, NLT}

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Have you faced fear lately? How do you conquer your fears?

Filed Under: Spirit
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Fear…and overcoming the awful dread

Fear is an awful dread.

Sometimes the only thing one’s life has to offer is hurt and pain and mistakes and failure. But that failure does not have to link from one generation to the next.