intentional living

How to embrace the right now {Part 3–Releasing Control}

Penned on March 5, 2011

“How hard is it for you to put your empty clothes hanger back in the closet?!”

Boiling anger seared my veins. I snatched the plastic hanger from its perch on the bedroom door knob and flung it across the room.

Why can’t he do things the way I want them done?!

Angry thoughts rapid-fired in my mind.

Such tiny, insignificant things seemed to light fuse within me and set off explosions.

When I look back on moments like these, I’m amazed at my husband’s patience, and thankful for his grace towards me.

As a child, I always felt out of control. I couldn’t control my environment. I couldn’t control others. I couldn’t control myself.

I felt hopeless.

I entered adulthood with a new-found freedom. It was strange and wonderful all at the same time.

I was finally in control.

Then I became a wife; nobody informed me of the give-and-take this special relationship requires. Before long, those same old out-of-control feelings from before welled up again.

I felt like a caged animal. Locked behind bars. Hopeless. Helpless.

And so I did the only thing I knew. Became obsessively controlling. Of everything.

The laundry had to be folded a certain way.

The floor swept and mopped just right.

The babies’ schedules followed perfectly to a “T.”

Dinner served at a certain time.

As I became more and more controlling, my grip on the the neck of my marriage nearly choked the life out of it.

In my mind, releasing control meant giving in. My childhood taught me to fight to the end. I was simply doing what I’d been taught.

Control really doesn’t make me a winner. Control puts a murderous blade in my hand and causes me to destroy my own life.

It took many years for me to see my own obsessive need to control, and longer still to learn that when I release control, I allow God to take control.

5 ways to release control (practice, practice, practice…)

Ask yourself why you feel so out of control.
Think about what you’re really afraid of losing. What is at the root of that fear?
Allow others to be themselves without judging their actions.
Pinpoint some personal insecurities that might be the cause of your need for control.
Graciously accept that everything won’t always go the way you expect and people will sometimes do things in different ways than you.

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How to embrace the right now {Part 2–Smelling the Roses}

Penned on March 3, 2011

If you missed Part 1, you can click here to read it.

Photo by http://www.flickr.com/photos/frenchy/

I have a chatty child. Those of you who have one of your own know exactly what I’m talking about. He wakes up with stories and goes to bed telling still more stories.

At times all the chatting feels overwhelming. And yet, I’m his Momma, I’m supposed to want to listen to all the chatter…right?? It’s supposed to bring me joy, right?

So why is it that sometimes it only sounds like noise?

Could it be, when that little mouth starts talking, the reason why it sounds like noise to me is because I’m not fully present in that very moment? Am I taking that precious moment for granted?

Too busy to listen.

Too busy to stop.

Too busy to be present.

Maybe, then, it’s time to re-evaluate where I am once again. Am I rushing? Am I trying to do too many things at once, to save time?

And I must remind myself yet again…stop and smell the roses, Hope. Breathe. Listen. Just be.

Sometimes the “roses” in life don’t look pretty. And I’ll be the first to admit that at times I tend to zone out when I don’t immediately sense the goodness of that moment.

It’s in those moments—the ones where I feel frazzled and irritable—when I need most to remember to stop and inhale the sweetness all around me.

5 ways to smell the roses

Put everything down and give your child(ren) thirty minutes of your undivided attention to play, read, talk, listen…
Pay your husband a nice complement…and mean it.
Go for a walk; bring your camera with you.
Pick yourself a bunch of wildflowers to bring home with you.
Draw or paint pictures with your child(ren).

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The power of right now

Penned on March 2, 2011

This morning I can’t seem to get away from this single thought: There is power in right now.

I’ve lived many years of my life in a hurried rush. Running from one thing to the next, always chasing time and never being able to fully grasp it before it slipped through my fingers again. Always in a hurry, rarely pausing to breathe…think…be. Not stopping to say hello, or even smile.

Always in such a rush.

The beginning of 2011 was a turning point for me. I didn’t expect it or even want it. It just sort of happened. But then, nothing just “sort of” happens, does it?

The last few weeks I have increasingly become more aware of time and how quickly it passes. I’ve noticed how some people seem to have all the time in the world to do the things they want/need to do. Others scramble day after day, desperate to stay on time, be on time, have enough time…and always running out of time.

Why the big rush?

I wonder. Why are we in such a hurry? Why am I in such a hurry? What is it that makes me afraid to slow down? To become more aware of living in this moment. Being present in this moment. Every moment.

Running from the past

My need to rush and hurry started at a very early age. I didn’t recognize it then, but I can see it now in retrospect. In trying to put things behind me (that I didn’t want to deal with, or felt like I’d overcome), I filled as much of my time as I possible could.

I don’t regret those days, because much of what I filled my time with was work for the Lord. I will never regret investing in the kingdom of God.

In running from my past, though, I unwittingly set the pace for my life for years to come. Go here. Go there. Do this. Do that. This needs to be done tomorrow. Finish this earlier, if you can. Rush, rush, rush.

In all that running, I neglected to heed to this passage:

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”
~Isaiah 43:18-19

In all honesty, I’m not truly “getting” this until just now. In that mad dash, I was so busy trying to forget the past that it was all I could see. While running from my past and wanting to skip to the future, I wasn’t living in the right now.

What if?

What if I wake up every morning with the intention of being present in the present?

What if I remind myself—when things get crazy and loud and off-the-wall—to breathe and stay present?

What if I purposefully live, every second of every minute of every hour of every day God gives me?

Living fully in every moment, being present in this present (the “gift” God gives me!), glorifies God. Being wise with my time, instead of floundering and squandering when I know I have more important priorities to meet, is worship to Him.

That is the power of right now.

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How to embrace the right now {Part 3–Releasing Control}

5 ways to release control (practice, practice, practice…)