peace

Motivated by love

Penned on February 6, 2012

I read a quote this morning that I totally agree with. I only wish I knew who said this, because they deserve proper credit.

“The more you are motivated by love, the more fearless and free your actions will be.” ~Unknown

photo credit: denise carbonell

How many times have you taken action based on your fears? Only to discover our fear-based action landed us in a place not-so-good for you?

I’ve done that many times.

For a large portion of my life, fear was the driving force behind many (if not all) of my decisions and actions.

How to know if fear is driving you

There is one sure way I’ve learned to determine if fear is controlling me. Two little words fill my thoughts and speech: What if?

What if I fail?
What if something goes wrong?
What if I’m not good enough?

Fear does that. It makes us feel like we are vulnerable to everything and everyone. Fear tells us we are incapable of doing great things. That we are but mere specs on God’s radar. That we aren’t enough.

Don’t listen to fear. Fear is a liar.

And how can we be sure this is so? Because 2 Timothy 1:7 tells us that, “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” (NKJV).

be consumed by love

The opposite of fear is faith. And we cannot exercise our faith to believe and act upon the knowledge that God is in control if we are afraid. So how then can we choose to be motivated by love instead of fear?

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. {1 John 4:18, KJV}

When we are overtaken by God’s love, we cannot fear. Because God’s love is perfect, and when we come to a point of spiritual maturity, we understand that when we are filled with His perfect love, fear has to go.

Fear cannot stay where perfect love abides.

I understand the torment of being controlled by fear. I understand how utterly frustrating it is to want to move, but to freeze, unable to move because of fear.

The only freedom from fear is perfect love.

A prayer for perfect love to abide

Jesus, you see each heart here today. You know every need. You know the fear that controls so many hearts.

I pray for Your perfect love to abide in our hearts. Let us be ruled by Your love and not by fear.

In Your perfect love,

we are enough.
we are more than conquerors.
we are chosen.
we are blessed and highly favored.
we are free.

Free us, Jesus. Help us to live in the light of Your love every day.

In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Filed Under: Life, Spirit
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The truth {hurts}

Penned on January 21, 2012

When I started this blog last year, I had a totally different plan in mind. I envisioned building a community here where hurting and wounded ladies could come and find encouragement. A healing place. I didn’t realize what I was doing was trying to pretty-up my own wounds, under the guise of helping you.

photo credit: jdsmith1021

I didn’t intentionally pretend to have all the answers, but I think at some point I subconsciously attempted to avoid my own hurts by writing superficial posts that covered up the ugly I sometimes feel and deal with. And that isn’t fair to you.

I was afraid to get real.

The truth hurts sometimes. When I feel threatened or inadequate, I close down. Stop talking. Forfeit sharing.

And that just isn’t right.

How can I encourage and support you, if I’m not being honest with myself or you?

I can’t. I don’t want to. I want to be real.

But when God steps in…

I had a heart-to-heart with God. I told Him that I couldn’t do this anymore. In fact, I came very close to shutting the whole thing down and eliminating this blog.

I don’t like half-truths. I don’t like covering up for others. I don’t like pretending.

The devil would love nothing more than to shut me up. Why? Because he knows I have a testimony and he doesn’t want a word of it shared with anyone.

For a while, I did allow satan to cover my mouth. I was afraid, consumed by a lot of “What if…” questions that tormented me. Until I shook myself and reminded myself that I am a child of God. There is no weapon formed against me that can prosper (Isaiah 54:17). He is my light and my salvation (Psalm 27:1) and with Him, who can I fear?

I had to inquire once again, Lord, what would You have me do?

He pointed to the name of this blog: Mending Hope.

It is about mending the hope of those who feel lost, insecure, scared, hopeless. But it’s also about mending me. Finding hope and peace in my own life in the midst of questions and misunderstandings and doubts.

My promise to you

Beginning right now, things change. I refuse to be silenced. I will not allow fear to rule my heart or my mind. Because God is peace and love and all things good.

Monday begins a new chapter here at Mending Hope. I will be real. I will be honest. I will be open.

There will be days when I share something funny. But there will also be times when I bare my heart and soul, in expectation that my experiences will bring healing and peace (to myself and you).

Most importantly of all, God be glorified. In everything I say and do.

Filed Under: Life, Walking by faith
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Held

Penned on October 25, 2011

Cold coffee sloshed over the rim of the near-empty mug. Onto the desk. And my laptop.

Source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/nexus_icon/

My stomach knotted as I watched the screen freeze. The power light blinked a final good-bye.

How could I have been so stupid? So irresponsible? So careless?

Self-deprecating thoughts bombarded my mind. Like the rat-a-tat-tat of a machine gun.

Over seventeen years ago, I graduated high school and left home. But those first eighteen years of mental and emotional childhood abuse still plague me today. No amount of time or distance can seem to erase the harsh words drilled into me. They are seared into my mind. Branded into my being.

As I berated myself over the coffee spill catastrophe, my husband quietly walked in the room.

“Let me help you dry it out,” he said. He knew my anguish.

An hour or so later, we both knew the laptop was toast.

And so I continued the barrage of self-inflicting painful words.

“I can’t believe I did this!” I cried to my husband. “I’m always so careful. How could I have been so incredibly ignorant?!”

He pulled me close. Held me tight.

“It’s okay. We’ll have it fixed.”

His gentle words pierced my heart.

How could he be so kind and loving and merciful to me, when I’d just caused a costly mess?

“I love you,” he continued. “And it’s okay. It’s just a computer. It can be fixed. Do what you need to do to send it in for repairs.”

Forgiveness.

Grace.

Mercy.

Just like that.

Just like Jesus.

How many times have I created huge messes in my life, only to chase them with self-defeating thoughts? Bruising–wounding–my heart, mind, and spirit with negativity, rather than bringing it to my Father?

Sitting there on our bed, embraced by my loving husband, I think I heard the voice of my Father whisper, too.

You are loved. Forgiven. Accepted. Held.

Filed Under: Spirit
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This is me

Penned on October 17, 2011

I’ve started several posts…hit delete…tried again. I dislike feeling like I am bound and can’t say what is on my heart. But I have learned a valuable lesson in my 35 years, and that is to season my words. So that is what I will attempt to do this morning.

I had a not-so-good childhood. There were some good times, but they are difficult to remember, and I have to think a long time sometimes to remember them.

I could tell you stories of how it feels to be afraid to go to sleep at night, because I was sure my mother would come into my bedroom and kill me.

I could tell you more stories of how my child-nerves were a frazzled mess for years because of all the screaming and fighting and throat-choking that went on in our house.

I could tell you even more stories of how I learned to lie and make excuses and attempt to cover up the ugliness going on at home, and how those lies and cover-ups and deceit ate at my soul every single day.

But here is what I want to share with you today, even more than all the ugliness…

Me, playing my Granny's piano

I had fun, stress-free, carefree summers at my Granny’s. Summers when I’d ride the tractor with my Daddy-o (grandfather) and play outside with my cousins until dark, and sit around a table to eat home cooked meals after Daddy-o said grace.

My two sisters and I with our cousins and Daddy-o

I had really good friends who were there for me, even though they never knew the half of what terror I lived with at home.

My Granny and me

But the most important point I want to make today is one that millions of dollars could never have bought for me.

The deficiencies of my childhood shaped me into the woman I am today, by teaching me all the “what not to do’s” of life. And for that, I am eternally grateful.

This is me today:

God-fearing, God-loving woman
Devoted wife and mother
Eager disciple, who loves to work at church

I’ve learned that nothing in life comes easy, and I’m thankful for that, because easy come, easy go. God is my constant. He has never and will never fail me.

This is me. Hopeful. Prayerful. At peace with my past and confident that God remains in control, no matter what comes my way.

This is me. Expectant. Watching. Knowing that my trust remains in Him alone.

This is me. Thankful. Blessed. Living the life He planned for me.

Filed Under: Life, Spirit
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He makes {all} things new

Penned on October 15, 2011

In the face of all the ugliness going on this week, I have found peace in the middle of the storm. And there truly is no peace like the sweet peace that comes from Jesus.

Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. {John 14:27, NKJV}

Source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/aroberts/

I’ve found great strength in the Word these last few days, too. It truly is sharper than any two-edged sword. I don’t think I ever realized until right now the importance of immersing myself in God’s Word. It brings strength, peace, hope, and healing.

The name of the LORD is a strong tower; The righteous run to it and are safe. {Proverbs 18:10, NKJV}

I’ve been in mourning all my life; lamenting that I’ve had no “mother.” But looking back, I can see that God has given me many mothers. He’s always placed someone in my life at the appropriate times to mother me and teach me what I needed to know.

And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. {Philippians 4:19, NKJV}

When this life is all said and done, there is one thing I know for sure. God is. He was and is and is to come. No matter what situation comes my way here on earth, if I just keep my eyes on Him and keep walking this straight and narrow path, everything’s gonna be all right.

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. {Romans 8:28, NKJV}

Filed Under: Spirit
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When grace speaks

Penned on September 21, 2011

As I inch closer to the release date of my book, fear has once again reared its ugly head. My mind has become a battlefield, where I fight against whispers of the enemy that tell me…

you’re making a fool of yourself.
people are going to talk about you.
your words will be twisted and used against you.
you’re not worthy.
you’re exposing too much of yourself.

Source: itslegitx http://www.flickr.com/photos/itslegitx/

And lately those ugly whispers are so loud I’ve barely been able to hear God.

This morning I sat down and went back to the beginning of this journey, where I promised to share from personal experiences. And I am reminded of something Paul shared in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10:

Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

My grace is all you need.

It’s so easy to forget that God’s grace {the free and unmerited favor of God} reaches us, even when we’re at our lowest. We can’t be good enough or do enough or be enough.

He works best in our weakness.

That thought just blows my mind. I can barely wrap my brain around it. When I’m at my worst, God’s power is ever-present and working in full. That’s just amazing.

When grace speaks, God wins.

Filed Under: Spirit
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After the storm

Penned on September 5, 2011

I’ve been counting gifts and will update my pages soon.

345. both kids in a Christian school
346. summer sprinkle showers
347. having enough
348. peace in knowing God is in control
349. close relationships I have with my children
350. a long weekend with my kids
351. safety during a storm
352. peace after the storm
353. cool winds that blow away the remnants of Tropical Storm Lee
354. windows open, airing out the house

Filed Under: Spirit